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When you are on a tight budget, a really tight budget, some things are just out of the question – like eating at fancy restaurants or going on a big vacation. But what happens when it’s something that affects your kids? Or something someone in the family needs? It’s an incredibly tough decision what to do….you can get creative to make the situation better, but sometimes that isn’t even enough!
My son has been seeing an OT for the past 6 months for his sensory and fine motor delays which has been a HUGE help – but we started it after we had already met our yearly out of pocket max for our insurance. Now we are at the point that our therapy sessions are maxed out with the insurance, and when I went last week (he goes twice a week for 30 minutes each time) I had a bill of $300!! $300!! That is more than we had and now we’re scrambling. SO we are faced with the conundrum of what to do next. I hate to just pull his therapy and not take him any more – but it will be about $500 a month which is more than 25% of what my husband takes home! That is a HUGE expense!! These are some really tough decisions. Needless to say I am not looking forward to going today because I am terrified I will have to tell him we have to quit his sessions. A few months ago we had to quit his social skills classes because we couldn’t afford them either. It’s hard when you feel like you can’t give them the best.
Tough decisions are even tougher when you have to try and explain them to your children! Here are 3 key rules I stick to when talking money with my son – even though he is 4 years old.
1. Be Honest. No matter how young your child is you should be honest and explain that you can’t afford something. They don’t need to know all the details but they need to understand where you are coming from. Don’t sound like “oh poor me” either – just tell him the facts.
2. Don’t give false hope. Don’t tell them that “maybe” you’ll do something or buy something when you know for sure it is not a possibility – just to make them feel better in the end. It will backfire and as your children get older they will see it as not being truthful.
3. Redirect. Try redirecting their interest. If your child is sad about it make an extra effort to cheer them up. Whether it’s reading a book, painting, baking…..helping them to move on can be a skill that some children don’t have.
I know my son is headed off to kindergarten next year, and many of us are faced with what type of school to attend, whether to stay home, and the expenses of all of the above! I found one school I would LOVE to send my son to which fits him perfectly. They incorporate brain building excercises in daily have social skills classes built into the curriculum, etc……BUT it comes with a price tag of $17,000 a year – no scholarships accepted! PHEW! That is totally flat out not in the picture no matter how much I wish I could “will” it to be! That is almost all of what we take home in a year!
Bottom line – there will ALWAYS be things that we wish we could have done, things we wish we could have afforded, and wondered “would it have been different if….”. These things plague what us with questions that maybe were never meant to be asked….or answered. Do the best you can, see if you can work around a situation by thinking creatively, but in the end all of these decisions that we stress about now – more than likely our kids will either never know about them or never remember them. Sometimes I have to step back from the situation and remind myself that things are OK and maybe a new direction is better, even if I can’t see it now.
Are any of these services something that a school would be able to provide to you even next year? I would be completely honest with his caregivers because they may be able to give you the tools you need to do some therapy at home.
Is your son eligible for any other kind of government assistance to help offset the cost of care? Or is there an insurance plan you can switch to that wouldn't have that pesky max already met?
Parenting is so hard, especially when it comes to having to make these hard choices. :((((((
As a speech-language pathologist, I can totally understand where you are coming from. I would be honest with your son's occupational therapist – often, when one of my students has a great need, I will provide as much as I can for the parent to work on at home, and am happy to answer questions via email or phone.
Also, when your son reaches kindergarten, he may be eligible for certain services through the school district, depending upon the laws of your state, although you may need to be prepared to strongly advocate for your child to qualify for those services.
One other thought I had is to check to see if you have any colleges/universities nearby that offer occupational therapy degrees and that might offer a clinic. My school had a speech-language-hearing clinic that was staffed by graduate students (supervised by faculty) that was only about $200 per semester, and had scholarships for those in need. I don't know about occupational therapy, but there definitely is a possibility.
Hope this helps!
Oh, dear… This absolutely breaks my heart to read, both as a parent and a spec ed teacher. Although he is only 4, does he have an IEP in place? (Sorry, I can't tell if he's already in preschool somewhere.) Medical documentation to back up the need for OT (and social skills therapy, too, IMHO). Can such documentation be obtained?
Also, I agree with the above comment: in the meantime, can you meet with this therapist, and see what sort of maintainence can be provided at home, whilst/or in case he must discontinue services for a period of time?
I know you're not posting this to ask for a handout, but I know many bloggers -myself included- would be delighted to rally in such a worthy cause, especially if it draws to light the necessity of such services for OUR CHILDREN.
In any case, I certainly hope you are able to find a balance between meeting that tight budget and providing the best of care for your son.
Thanks for the ideas!
@Atlanta's Frugal Mom – I agree – I am ready to rally behind a cause too! My cause obviously revolves around kids like my son, but I did try to get an IEP. Although my son has the diagnosed documentation for Asperger's and dyspraxia they refused to help him because academically he was competent. My son is also highly gifted and is several years academically above his age level. The director of my district even went so far as to say and I quote "I don't care if he has several cerebral palsy – if he is OK academically he does not qualify for our services" – seriously!? I was apalled – not even for my own child but for all of the other children who may have special needs but be book smart. So sad for our kids in America about this area! Just bc they are book smart does not mean that they don't have a significant need!
Are any of these services something that a school would be able to provide to you even next year? I would be completely honest with his caregivers because they may be able to give you the tools you need to do some therapy at home.
Is your son eligible for any other kind of government assistance to help offset the cost of care? Or is there an insurance plan you can switch to that wouldn't have that pesky max already met?
Parenting is so hard, especially when it comes to having to make these hard choices. :((((((
As a speech-language pathologist, I can totally understand where you are coming from. I would be honest with your son's occupational therapist – often, when one of my students has a great need, I will provide as much as I can for the parent to work on at home, and am happy to answer questions via email or phone.
Also, when your son reaches kindergarten, he may be eligible for certain services through the school district, depending upon the laws of your state, although you may need to be prepared to strongly advocate for your child to qualify for those services.
One other thought I had is to check to see if you have any colleges/universities nearby that offer occupational therapy degrees and that might offer a clinic. My school had a speech-language-hearing clinic that was staffed by graduate students (supervised by faculty) that was only about $200 per semester, and had scholarships for those in need. I don't know about occupational therapy, but there definitely is a possibility.
Hope this helps!
Oh, dear… This absolutely breaks my heart to read, both as a parent and a spec ed teacher. Although he is only 4, does he have an IEP in place? (Sorry, I can't tell if he's already in preschool somewhere.) Medical documentation to back up the need for OT (and social skills therapy, too, IMHO). Can such documentation be obtained?
Also, I agree with the above comment: in the meantime, can you meet with this therapist, and see what sort of maintainence can be provided at home, whilst/or in case he must discontinue services for a period of time?
I know you're not posting this to ask for a handout, but I know many bloggers -myself included- would be delighted to rally in such a worthy cause, especially if it draws to light the necessity of such services for OUR CHILDREN.
In any case, I certainly hope you are able to find a balance between meeting that tight budget and providing the best of care for your son.
Thanks for the ideas!
@Atlanta's Frugal Mom – I agree – I am ready to rally behind a cause too! My cause obviously revolves around kids like my son, but I did try to get an IEP. Although my son has the diagnosed documentation for Asperger's and dyspraxia they refused to help him because academically he was competent. My son is also highly gifted and is several years academically above his age level. The director of my district even went so far as to say and I quote "I don't care if he has several cerebral palsy – if he is OK academically he does not qualify for our services" – seriously!? I was apalled – not even for my own child but for all of the other children who may have special needs but be book smart. So sad for our kids in America about this area! Just bc they are book smart does not mean that they don't have a significant need!